China Embarkation

Here I am sitting on the floor of the Vancouver airport, my gateway to Asia; cringing at the decubitus ulcer forming on my coccyx, but thankful for the free wi-fi. Thus starts the beginning of my 5 week trip to the motherland, beginning with 2 weeks of medical aid in Inner Monglia at the Chengjisihan town hospital and then the Elunchun minority village. After the medical portion of the trip, I will spend a few days in Beijing to do the essentials: shop, jumpshot on the Great Wall, and Peking Duck. I have heard the PD isn't as good as you would expect-ducks too skinny, not good like supersize American kind (which explains the supersized Americans), but for the sake of research I will try as many ducks as necessary to get a fair sample size before making my final decision. After Beijing I will head down to Shanghai for the remainder of my stay where anything can and probably will happen (and will inevitably stay in Shanghai). Blog ya from China...

Flush 101

I've long been aware that technology has made us stupider. Much, much stupider. We can text 100 words a minutes, download music, skype, make online purchases, clip our toenails, and microwave dinner simultaneously. But ask me my sister's home phone number and I'm blank; ask me how to get from point A to point B and I'll throw my hands up in the air and scream, "What do you think I am, a GPS???" (never mind that A is the kitchen and B is the livingroom). Unfortunately technology has even infiltrated the most sacred space of all and made us complete idiots in what should be a very simple operation. What space is that? The bathroom stall (duh).

Females may relate to this more than the males...I don't think this applies to urinals (correct me if I'm wrong). Have you ever walked into a stall and found it unflushed with toilet paper from the last three occupants? We all have, and if you were one of those last three occupants, SHAME ON YOU! What really kills me is when I walk into a stall, find it filled to the brim, and then see that the toilet is an AUTOMATIC FLUSH. Apparently for some people, when they see a handleless toilet and a blinking red light, they not only let their bowels relax, but their brain as well, rendering the common sense portion of it useless.

Word to the wise...the cue to exit the bathroom stall is NOT a wave of relief and a zipped zipper. Those are actually bonuses in a successful trip to the W.C. The real green light to leave the stall and head for the sinks is the FLUSH. No flush, no flee. In case you haven't noticed yet, computers crash, GPS's take you on the scenic route, and sometimes, that sensor stops sensing and toilets don't flush when you're finished...time to use your head. The beauty of the automatic-flush toilet is that unlike a computer that may drop dead for no apparent reason, the auto-flush toilet has a little black button that actually lets you flush it manually specifically for those times that the auto-flush fails. I know its archaic and in a time of progress its a shame to move backwards, but for the sake of the next patron I highly recommend that you burn those extra 3 calories, lean forward, and PUSH THE BUTTON. Stare technology in the face and declare, "You will NOT get the better of me! You're my toilet, and I will flush you whenever I want. Boo-yah!!!". FLUSH.

Leaving without a successful flush is like going up to an automatic sink that doesn't turn on and simply walking out the door. I suppose if the sink doesn't turn on it means you are meant to have urine on your hands, right? Unless you pee out magic fairy dust I'd have to disagree. Wake up people; don't don't let your brains go to mush and allow technology to dictate your life. Technology should enhance our existence and I've got to be honest, your used TP just isn't doing it for me. If that stall isn't clean (and odor free) once you're done with it, than you should not be opening that door. And if for some reason the button is broken or the contents are too overwhelming, be curteous and make the next person in line aware of the situation; to allow them to walk into such a trap is just inhumane. Unless of course you hate them, then maybe they are getting what they deserve (and if this is the case you should also spread some toilet paper on the ground or try to use it all up before leaving).

On a side note, I always wondered how much money it cost to change a traditional toilet to an automatic-flush. Has anyone done a cost benefit analysis? What was wrong with the handled ones? Could the money have gone to better use--schools, education, the environment, hunger, healthcare, world debt, human rights, etc...? No, let's spend the excess budget money on toilets. Speaking of flushing something down...